SWAT The Daily Wire headline said, “Man Spanks Hippo at LA Zoo, Launching Criminal Investigation.” For the record, I would like to point out that the subject of this investigation is not me. I’ve done some pretty stupid things, but I’ve never spanked a hippo. As far as hippos are concerned, I generally just leave them alone. What happened was, a fellow climbed a short fence a couple of weeks ago and slapped a hippo in a very personal region, namely the LA Zoo hippo enclosure.