‘Me and RJ and the kids was on a campout in the mountains, and we had us one of them u-drive-‘em army jeep cars which we rented from a fella by the name of Kubozke for thirty bucks a day, buy your gas along the way, take a rabbit’s foot and leave a pint of blood for a dee-posit.’
C.W. McCall’s ‘Black Bear Road’ came out in 1975, and although it wasn’t his most famous song, it was my favorite. I didn’t know if there was really a Jeep trail in Colorado called ‘Black Bear Road,’ but I decided I’d try to find out, and if there was, I would drive it one day. That day finally came. It was 28 July 2021. It took me 46 years. It was worth the wait.
Some people make bucket lists, and write down things they want to do before they die. Although I’ve never made one of those, I kind of have a list in my head, and Black Bear has been right at the top of it for years. I’ve been jeeping in Colorado many times since I got my first Wrangler in 2001, and logged a lot of slow, bouncy, rugged miles on the mountain roads around Ouray, but every time I was there something kept me from getting to do Black Bear. Mostly it was my wife, Jocelynn. I made the mistake of telling her that all the Jeep rental places require their rentees to sign a form promising not to drive Black Bear, because of the possibility they wouldn’t make it back. Like RJ in the song, she said the only way the Jeep car was going down that road was over her dead body. I took that as a sign she was reluctant.
On our first family trip to Colorado after buying the 1997 TJ, which we refer to as the black Jeep of the family, we camped in Lake City in a tent, because we’d heard it rained a lot in the mountains, and we like being wet and miserable. Every afternoon we had a stream running through the tent, and by the end of the week our skin was permanently wrinkled from being wet for so long. But we drove the Alpine Loop on that trip, and the scenery was worth all the misery. Pretty much.
The Alpine Loop is made up of Jeep trails that meander through the San Juan range of the Rocky Mountains, connecting the towns of Ouray, Lake City, and Silverton. Most of the Loop consists of pretty easy trails, and it offers a convenient way to see a lot of country without having to backtrack over the same road to get back to wherever you’re staying. It has some spectacular scenery, the likes of which you never get to see if you stay on the pavement. And since the trails are rated as moderate, you probably won’t die on the Loop. Pretty much.
We also drove to Yankee Boy Basin and American Basin on that first trip, and I was ready to tackle Black Bear, but the people in charge of things out there decided to close the road because of all the rain. Black Bear can be kind of dangerous when it’s dry. When it’s rainy and the rocky parts of the road get slippery, and it’s hard to see because of a wet windshield, and the edges of the road over 1,000-foot drops get muddy and soft, Black Bear is actually scary. Not that I know from personal experience, because Jocelynn put her foot down and said we weren’t doing it, anyway. And she put it down on my back.
Every time I’ve been to Ouray since then something has kept me from doing Black Bear. A few times we were there too early in the year, and the pass was still choked with snow. Once we were there too late, with the same problem. And a few times someone turned a Jeep over on the trail, or drove off the edge of one of the cliffs, and they closed the road to recover the vehicle. That’s always disappointing but also encouraging, because it indicates the road is still fun to drive. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. Pretty much.
Last year we were there too early, so we drove Ophir Pass from Ouray to Telluride, and took Imogene Pass back to Ouray. And those trails are a lot of fun, too, but there was still that nagging voice in my head, telling me I had to do Black Bear. And it wasn’t Jocelynn’s voice. I’m pretty sure she was still opposed to the idea, on account of not wanting to die, or something.
But this year everything worked out, and I was finally able to mentally check Black Bear off my list. It wasn’t exactly like the C.W. McCall song, but that’s probably a good thing, since his rented u-drive-‘em army jeep car ended up going over a cliff.
But there’s always next time . . .
Kendal Hemphill is an outdoor humor columnist and minister who doesn’t believe rabbits’ feet are all that lucky, or the rabbit would still have them. Write to him at [email protected]
